William N. Johnson

“We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life.”

— William Osler

Well, you can’t spell stressed without desserts… but really, just look at the word “desserts” backwards.

That kind of sums up how stress has looked in my life—sometimes backwards, sometimes semi-manageable, sometimes completely out of control.

A Drive Through University Campus

I remember sometime in fall of 2019, my sister drove me around the University of Tennessee campus. I can’t remember the exact reason, but I think it was to assist my brother-in-law—then just her boyfriend—and his friends at a Rube Goldberg competition for the Tennessee Society of Professional Engineers. He was finishing his PhD at the time, and we were judging high school students’ contraptions.

That drive was more than just a detour through Knoxville. It was a wake-up call. A reminder that I needed to go back to school.

Honestly, I never really cared for a Computer Science degree. It always felt more like an applied maths degree than anything else. And I had spent a lot of time in 2016 and 2017 watching Udemy and Lynda.com tutorials, building software, and genuinely enjoying programming—but none of it ever turned into a professional career. That drive around campus felt like a signal to try again.

Little did I know I’d be returning to school right as a pandemic was about to flip everything upside down.

2020 Vision: A Look into the Pandemic

In early 2020, I got back into college. Then Spring Break happened—and it never really ended. Schools shut down. Everything went online.

Stress started to creep in. Being at home every day, working through assignments alone, and just hoping to stay on track for graduation… it was a weird kind of isolation. But at the same time, it wasn’t entirely bad. I didn’t have to drive anywhere, and I started sitting outside on a trampoline just to clear my head. No bouncing. Just sitting. It helped.

The “temporary” situation dragged on… what was supposed to initially be a 2 week lockdown turned into an eternity. Online classes stuck around for the next two semesters. I was supposed to transfer to UT in Fall 2020 so I could take more courses and be on track to graduate by the end of 2022 or maybe even earlier, but with everything still remote, getting academic assistance was a nightmare. I had to stay in community college and didn’t truly transfer until January 2021.

That delay triggered a serious breakdown. I don’t think any student should have to go through that much struggle just to transfer, especially when the pandemic made everything harder. Even after I got into UT, classes were still online. But thankfully, the CS students had set up a Discord server. That honestly saved me. Being able to ask questions, give help, and just connect—even if it was just to a faceless profile avatar—made everything feel more manageable.

Still, it was surreal. Some of these classmates I didn’t meet in person until way later. Imagine spending an entire semester talking to someone on Discord and then finally seeing their face months later in a lecture hall.

2021 and 2022: Back in the Real World

Things shifted again when classes returned in-person in Fall 2021. On paper, that should’ve helped with stress. But even that came with its own issues.

I had to deal with parking (a constant battle), and I somehow picked the most inefficient walking route to get to the Min Kao building. The transition back to face-to-face learning felt strange. Seeing students’ actual faces after months of profile pictures made campus feel like an alternate reality.

Still, it was good to be back—even if it wasn’t easy.

2023: The Tipping Point

2023 is when everything boiled over. Stress became constant—grad school, farewells to friends, general burnout. I wrote more about it here: Looking Back – 2 Years Ago

By the end of 2023, things weren’t just overwhelming—they were unmanageable.

I was having panic attacks. Moments where I couldn’t breathe, where I had to literally run outside for fresh air. I was dealing with acid reflux and skipping meals. Some days, I’d go without eating and just live on coffee. I kept telling myself I could handle it, but I couldn’t.

That month became my wake-up call to finally deal with the one thing I had ignored for the past three years: stress management.

2024: Soup and Tea

I didn’t expect the solution to begin with changing what I ate, especially tomato soup.

I never liked tomatoes, but for some reason, soup became something I could actually enjoy, especially during that winter month. Then, in the summer of 2024, my sister brought home a tin of Earl Grey tea. I started drinking it every night, just boiling water and making tea as a way to slow things down. I never had tea before, so it was new.

I also stopped eating fast food. Sure, I’ll have occasional pizza, but I wouldn’t eat fried food everyday. I started cooking more. It wasn’t a major lifestyle overhaul, but it was enough to feel like I had control again. And yeah, cooking takes time—but at least I knew what I was putting into my body. Oh, and I started taking vitamins.

2025: Resting Easy

Now it’s 2025. I haven’t had a panic attack in two years.

That doesn’t mean life is entirely stress-free. But it’s different now. I’m calmer. I’ve built routines that help. I eat better. I sleep better. I breathe easier.

And I’ve recognized, sometimes managing stress is about changing the things you can control, especially when it comes to choices in lifestyle.